Very young teen dutch sex

The Dutch could teach American parents a thing or two about the birds and the bees -- namely, the virtues of respect and acceptance of teenage sexuality. I just stumbled across a fascinating study via Sociological Images that compares these divergent cultural attitudes toward doing the nasty which, by the way, is much less likely to be cast as "nasty" or "dirty" in the Netherlands. The report, "Sex, Love, and Autonomy in the Teenage Sleepover" by sociologist Amy Schalet, spills plenty of ink describing the forbidding and fearful American view of premarital teen sex that is all too familiar to most of us stateside. It's her description of parental attitudes in the Netherlands that really surprises, though. A survey "found that two thirds of Dutch fifteen to seventeen-year-olds with steady boy- or girlfriends are allowed to spend the night with them in their bedrooms, and that boys and girls are equally likely to get permission for a sleepover. Dutch parents, by contrast, downplay the dangerous and difficult sides of teenage sexuality, tending to normalize it. They speak of readiness er aan toe zijn , a process of becoming physically and emotionally ready for sex that they believe young people can self-regulate, provided they've been encouraged to pace themselves and prepare adequately. Rather than emphasizing gender battles, Dutch parents talk about sexuality as emerging from relationships and are strikingly silent about gender conflicts. And unlike Americans who are often skeptical about teenagers' capacities to fall in love, they assume that even those in their early teens fall in love. They permit sleepovers, even if that requires an "adjustment" period to overcome their feelings of discomfort, because they feel obliged to stay connected and accepting as sex becomes part of their children's lives.

Young people in the Netherlands do not only start having sexual intercourse at a later age in compared to ; this is also the case with other forms of sex, such as kissing. The number of young people who have their first sexual experiences at a very young age, between 12 and 14, has decreased. That is good news, because young people who start having sex at a very early age are more often forced or persuaded to do so and more often have unprotected sex. Compared to , more young Dutch people use a contraceptive method when they have sex for the first time. Because the pill has to be taken every day, which is easy to forget, an IUD can be a good alternative for young women. But after that, condom use strongly decreases. The number of young Dutch people who disapprove of expressions of homosexuality has decreased strongly. In , half of young men and a quarter of young women disapproved of two young men kissing in public. The edition of Sex Under 25 provides a representative picture of the sexual health of young people in the Netherlands aged The first editions of Sex Under 25 were conducted in and

She wants the captain of a ship who can direct all aspects of a relationship, including spiritual direction. I am a 40 year engineering graduate from one of best engineering colleges of the country I mention this becoz I want to stress the fact that I have a hard-earned career. He may never come out and say it, but if you mention marriage outside of the church and he's OK with it, you have a slight chance of being happily married to her and not being mormon. We do have cancelled Skype dates and rescheduled phone calls but when I really need him he puts his needs aside. If I even mention wanting to talk just about normal life things, I am told not to tilt the balance between problems and fun. Maybe things would be have different if I had been older or if I had not been so fragile. In fact, the church is designed to help people come unto Christ, who is the only one who can change our hearts and help us overcome ourselves to come back to him. Topics like race and polygamy have been "adequately" explained away, so I don't think we'd get anywhere discussing those things. Even after that, the Church discourages youth from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage. I believe that we are all on different paths, but that it is possible for us to travel on different paths side-by-side.

Perhaps, though, we can move a little of the Netherlands here. Because the Dutch seem to have it all figured out. While we in the United States have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world, they have among the lowest. Our teen birth rate is eight times higher than theirs, and our teen abortion rate is 1. There are some significant demographic differences that affect those numbers: We are a more diverse nation than Holland, with higher rates of childhood poverty, fewer social welfare guarantees and more social conservatives.

Yet, even when controlling for all that, the difference holds. Consider a study comparing the early sexual experiences of randomly chosen American and Dutch women at two similar colleges — nearly all white, all middle class, with similar religious backgrounds.

So, apples to apples. The American girls had become sexually active at a younger age than the Dutch, had had more encounters with more partners and were less likely to use birth control. They reported more comfort with their bodies and their desires than the Americans and were more in touch with their own pleasure. More than that, though, there was a stark difference in how their parents approached those topics. Dutch parents, by contrast, had talked to their daughters from an early age about both the joys and responsibilities of intimacy.

According to Amy Schalet, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts, in the late s the Dutch — like Americans — roundly disapproved of premarital sex. The sexual revolution transformed attitudes in both countries, but, whereas American parents and policymakers responded by treating teen sex as a health crisis, the Dutch went another way: They consciously embraced it as natural, though requiring proper guidance.

Their government made pelvic exams, birth control and abortion free to anyone under 22, with no requirements for parental consent. By the s, when Americans were shoveling millions into the maw of useless abstinence-only education, Dutch teachers and parents were busy discussing the positive aspects of sex and relationships, as well as anatomy, reproduction, disease prevention, contraception and abortion. They emphasized respect for self and others in intimate encounters, and openly addressed masturbation, oral sex, homosexuality and orgasm.

By , four out of five Dutch youth said that their first sexual experiences were well timed, within their control and fun. We end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy: Teens assert independence by breaking rules, rupturing their relationships with parents, separating from the family. Sex, which typically involves sneaking around or straight-up lying, becomes a vehicle through which to do that. An American sex educator named Charis Denison, for instance, told me that roughly half the questions she fields from students about parents involve how to get contraception or testing for sexually transmitted diseases without Mom and Dad finding out; the other half are on how to bring up sensitive issues so they will actually listen.

Both speak to a rift between teenagers and those who love them most — one that parents more or less create. They end up either lying to their parents or copping to their behavior but keeping it invisible, outside the home.

As part of that, Dutch parents permit co-ed sleepovers, which are rare in the U. A full two-thirds of Dutch teens 15 to 17 with a steady boyfriend or girlfriend report that the person was welcome to spend the night in their bedrooms.

Quite the opposite: The Dutch actively discourage promiscuity in their children, teaching that sex should emerge from a loving relationship. Follow the Opinion section on Twitter latimesopinion and Facebook. Get thought-provoking perspectives with our weekly newsletter. Hot Property. About Us. Brand Publishing. Times News Platforms. Times Store. Breaking News.

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