Perhaps, though, we can move a little of the Netherlands here. Because the Dutch seem to have it all figured out. While we in the United States have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world, they have among the lowest. Our teen birth rate is eight times higher than theirs, and our teen abortion rate is 1. There are some significant demographic differences that affect those numbers: We are a more diverse nation than Holland, with higher rates of childhood poverty, fewer social welfare guarantees and more social conservatives.
Yet, even when controlling for all that, the difference holds. Consider a study comparing the early sexual experiences of randomly chosen American and Dutch women at two similar colleges — nearly all white, all middle class, with similar religious backgrounds.
So, apples to apples. The American girls had become sexually active at a younger age than the Dutch, had had more encounters with more partners and were less likely to use birth control. They reported more comfort with their bodies and their desires than the Americans and were more in touch with their own pleasure. More than that, though, there was a stark difference in how their parents approached those topics. Dutch parents, by contrast, had talked to their daughters from an early age about both the joys and responsibilities of intimacy.
According to Amy Schalet, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts, in the late s the Dutch — like Americans — roundly disapproved of premarital sex. The sexual revolution transformed attitudes in both countries, but, whereas American parents and policymakers responded by treating teen sex as a health crisis, the Dutch went another way: They consciously embraced it as natural, though requiring proper guidance.
Their government made pelvic exams, birth control and abortion free to anyone under 22, with no requirements for parental consent. By the s, when Americans were shoveling millions into the maw of useless abstinence-only education, Dutch teachers and parents were busy discussing the positive aspects of sex and relationships, as well as anatomy, reproduction, disease prevention, contraception and abortion. They emphasized respect for self and others in intimate encounters, and openly addressed masturbation, oral sex, homosexuality and orgasm.
By , four out of five Dutch youth said that their first sexual experiences were well timed, within their control and fun. We end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy: Teens assert independence by breaking rules, rupturing their relationships with parents, separating from the family. Sex, which typically involves sneaking around or straight-up lying, becomes a vehicle through which to do that. An American sex educator named Charis Denison, for instance, told me that roughly half the questions she fields from students about parents involve how to get contraception or testing for sexually transmitted diseases without Mom and Dad finding out; the other half are on how to bring up sensitive issues so they will actually listen.
Both speak to a rift between teenagers and those who love them most — one that parents more or less create. They end up either lying to their parents or copping to their behavior but keeping it invisible, outside the home.
As part of that, Dutch parents permit co-ed sleepovers, which are rare in the U. A full two-thirds of Dutch teens 15 to 17 with a steady boyfriend or girlfriend report that the person was welcome to spend the night in their bedrooms.
Quite the opposite: The Dutch actively discourage promiscuity in their children, teaching that sex should emerge from a loving relationship. Follow the Opinion section on Twitter latimesopinion and Facebook. Get thought-provoking perspectives with our weekly newsletter. Hot Property. About Us. Brand Publishing. Times News Platforms. Times Store. Breaking News.
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